Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Net working?

The owner of my curio shop is a smallish golden-brown man, he is like a sultana without any wrinkles. His wife is a gymnast who is ten months pregnant. She wears heels as high as he is. She wears leotards as high up her hips as flies fly.

A wee while ago the gymnast wife told me that she was going to take Joggy and I on an exciting adventure where we would see sights that would shake our eyes right out of our heads. She told us to be prepared for riches beyond our wildest dreams to fall into our laps. She claimed that we were about to become part of SOMETHING. And to achieve amazing lives we would be required to spend only a minimum of effort.
Beware when somebody tells you that.

We met her at the allotted time outside our floating fortess. She was driving a huge bus, painted to look like a slug playing chess. Jaggo was drunk and drugged, having spent the afternoon with a collection of scurrulous miscreant straight-to-video personalities he knows. We clambered in.

The gymnast drove the slug through a wormhole and almost immediately we arrived at our destination. It was an outpost of hell. A large pink marshmellow of a building, masquerading as exotic with the aid of some tall neon plastic palm trees. 'HOTEL, CASINO and CONFERENCE ROOMS' said the sign.

We sidled up to the main entrance.
There, wearing a frilly pink shirt but terrifyingly ugly nonetheless, was a large black serpent. This creature was EATING people.
I noticed another woman with guests, whom she was pushing forcefully towards the waiting mouth of the serpent. They got close enough and WHAM! the serpent swallowed them whole. What it did then made everything a bit clearer.
As it ate people, the serpent was POOING OUT MONEY. Bundles of cash would come tumbling out it's asshole.

Juggo and I looked at eachother. Then he looked at the gymnast. Out came a giant mash of drunken expletives.
"Jiggo! Language please!" She exclaimed. "Just try it, honestly, your lives will be so much better, you don't really die of course, well in a way you do, but you become re-born a better and brighter person." She said. "And RICH! beyond your wildest dreams! Or, you will be once you've fed a few of your friends to Mr Money Guts over there! Ha ha ha!" She laughed heartily, baby belly vibrating.
"And then, you can buy a super-slug bus just like mine! And then ten more cars! Twenty! This is a Golden Opportunity I'm offering you! You will become the fattest cats of the YOOOONIVAARSE!" She whinnied and did a back flip.
On her way over Jigd kicked her in her yooni arse. Then he took my hand and we ran for the hills.

Some bills of money fluttered past us as we ran. Fake as my Aunties titties it was. Fake as Donald Trumps hairpiece.

"What a lucky escape!" I said to Jaggy as we ran. "You know, I didn't see anyone come out of that monster once they went in. I think she was just trying to eliminate us. But why?"

"I dunno, honey," he said "But I'd stay away from that woman from now on."

Looks like I wont have to try, because quite soon after that, I lost my job.

(Like tis, but blacker)


Blogger Gorilla Bananas said...

You've got too much imagination for an ordinary job. I think you should be a professional mother with 75 children. You'd just tell them stories and let the au pair wash and feed them.

6:15 AM  
Blogger Jagd Kunst said...

No, the Au pair would just end up infatasising them.

4:25 PM  
Blogger surly fag said...

you crack me up you crackwhore



9:19 PM  
Blogger Alida said...

did you really lose your job?
or not sux?

9:29 PM  

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