Wednesday, May 31, 2006

The Wiz, Lacan, and the Flaming Ginger Son.

Earlier this week I went to visit a planet in the more well-to-do part of the galaxy. The planet in question is ruled by a flame-haired entrepreneur with steely eyes and steelier ideals. He does not laugh at much, and when he does you know it is funny. He has a sense of humour dryer than dead twigs in the desert sun.

My reason for going was that I had been hired in one of my many capacities by an insane artist who lives on one of the planet's moons. This artist told me that he had been slowly swamped over the years by letters and documents, and he needed me to help him sort it all out. I mutated myself into a hooded vulture woman so as to maximise my abilites as a filing cleric.

I docked on the planet, but did not see anyone when I got there, apart from the mechanical pilot on my shuttle to the moon, who was smoking roll-your-own tobacco mixed with rubber.
Looking out of the window as I neared the sattelite, I saw what appeared to be fairly large model skyscrapers and other buildings. It was only when I disembarked that I realised they were in fact towering stacks of paper.

The artist was no-where to be seen. I called out:
"Oi, oi! Mad Rodge!", but there was no reply.
I began to roam the streets and small alleyways between the paper stacks, singing 'Ease on Down the Road' (from the 1978 musical version of The Wizard of Oz, starring Diana Ross and Michael Jackson) at the top of my lungs.

Soon, "Mmph!" I heard coming from somewhere inside one of the paper piles.
" Get ’em up, goin’ down, ease on down?" I sang.
"Mmmph, mmpphwa!" I heard. I scanned the place with my eyes and soon I saw it. The top of a tufty head was sticking up through the surface of a glacier of reciepts. It resembled the top of a turnip growing out of the ground. I braced myself, took hold of the tuft, and pulled with all my might.
'Ploooooooooop!' Out of the mound came Mad Rodge, the insane artist.
"Cause there maybe times
When you think you lost your mind,
But just Ease on down, ease on down the road!" he sang heartily and did a little twirl on his tippy-toes. The two of us linked arms and skipped onwards for a bit, until he stopped, out of breath.

Once the joy of skipping had worn off, Rodge looked up and around himself. Paper skyscrapers.
He raised his arms in the air and shook his fists at the sky.
"Oh woe, oh woe!" he cried.
"Aah, yes, I see your point." I said.
Rodge sighed. "If I only had a heart, a brain, and some courage, I could deal with this much better." and he plucked a double bass from inside a one of the paper bungalows. He played three mournful notes.
"But hang on a minute," I said, "Aren't you an artist?"
He looked at me dolefuly. "Whats your point?" he inquired.
"Well, you could just make a heart, a brain and some courage out of paper mache couldn't you? And they would be even better than the real thing because they would be an artist's interpretation of a brain, a heart and some courage, or lack thereof. Besides, don't artists thrive on adversity and woe? Your work would contain the eternal themes of desire and lack.
It is not surprising that, according to Lacan, we are not even in control of our own desires since those desires are themselves as separated from our actual bodily needs as the phallus is separated from any biological penis. In a sense, then, our desire is never properly our own, but is created through fantasies that are caught up in cultural ideologies rather than material sexuality. For this reason, according to Lacan, the command that the superego directs to the subject is, of all things, "Enjoy!" That which we may believe to be most private and rebellious (our desire) is, in fact, regulated, even commanded, by the superego.
Our desires therefore necessarily rely on lack, since fantasy, by definition, does not correspond to anything in the real. "

"My God, you are right!" he exclaimed, and whipped up some paper sculptures.
"I can sell these for millions!" he whooped, and danced the trylobite.
"Actually, I was just thinking, wouldn't it be a more pure art-form to just - Burn this Disco Down?" I suggested. "The spectacle you know, dont forget the spectacle."
"Hmm, all this paper, it would be quite a sight." he said, rubbing his chin
"Okay then! lets do it!" he hallooed, and we jumped on the shuttle.

Shooting off into space, we fired a 10-tonne sparkler bomb back at the face of the moon.
went years of letters to the editor, scribbled notes to himself, and reciepts for chocolate sante bars.
The moon was a new sun.

Back on the main planet there was a festival going on in honour of this amazing firey sight. Scores of dancing ladies and pink elephants and men with big drums were shakin' they asses on down the road.
We bumped into the flame-haired ruler. He thanked us for the extra heat we had generated on the planet, effectively turning a winter day into a summer one.
"So what shall we all do for the rest of the day?" I asked.
"I'm going to have a dance and bang some gongs!" said mad Rodge.
"Good, I'll watch you while I get really drunk on whiskey tea." I said
"Hmmm," said the ginger entrepreneur, stroking his chin.
"I think I might get myself a tan."
Oh, how we chuckled.


Blogger Gorilla Bananas said...

Burning paper and getting drunk are no substitute for a real phallus, Face. That mad Rodgerer was all talk and no action. A real man would have swept you off your feet.

10:31 AM  
Blogger surly fag said...

i have a tiny clit, i'm always trying to make it bigger, to no avail, this in turn creates not only my reason for being, but years and years of joy, alone or with the whole family.

would you like to be my forgotten mutant half-sister? you once were lost.. but now you're found? just lemme know..

12:36 AM  
Blogger Face said...

GB, I was the one getting drunk, probably you are right and it was because I dont have a real phallus of my own, although I do have the use of one on a regular basis. I would not like to see the Mad Rodgerer's one, nor would I be particularly impressed with myself if he managed to sweep me off my feet. The likelyhood of this situation occuring, however, would be about that of my dead grandma coming back to life, having an operation to look like Paris Hilton, and winning the presidency of Russia in a game of strip poker with a gang of cotton-topped tamarinds. Or something like 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 to 1.

Surly, I'd love to, when do we start?

2:26 PM  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Nutty as a walnut. Love it.

2:26 PM  
Blogger SafeTinspector said...

I've a few questions regarding the sparkler bomb.
First, by what mechanism does it achieve combustion?
Second, was it yours or Roger's?

3:15 PM  
Blogger Face said...

FMC - Thanks, same to you. Though you are more of a pecan or pistachio I feel.

SafeT - They throw alot of parties all the time on the planet ruled by the ginger entrepreneur, so there was a large supply of sparklers on hand in the hold of the shuttle.
As for combustion, what we tried to do although difficult at such a great distance, was aim the bomb at one of Mad Rodge's coil heaters. It turned out we needen't have bothered, for the speed at which the bomb was travelling allowed it to ignite as it hit the moon's thinnish atmosphere. BOOM!
Here are a couple of links about sparkler bombs in case this explanation leaves you unsatisfied.

Sparkler Bomb 1

Sparkler Bomb Pictures

4:15 PM  

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